Everybody Hurts

Posted: March 19, 2012 in Family, Friendship, Life, Love, Relationships, Religion
Tags: , , , ,

There’s one thing that every single one of us has in common. Regardless of our socioeconomic status, our hopes, our dreams, our religious background–we all have one very huge thing in common. We’re not perfect. Not a single one of us, and anyone who thinks they are perfect, probably ranks among some of the most imperfect.

This commonality doesn’t surprise me. I mess up every day in some way, shape, or form. And so do you. The thing that surprises me though is how easy it can be sometimes to mess up. Or how easy it can be sometimes to hurt people as a result of our mistakes.

This past week, as a result of my own actions I hurt two people that rank among the people I care about most, and am absolutely beside myself. Neither of these people are mad at me, but I let both of them down–and that to me, someone who prides themselves on caring for others, is FAR worse than someone being downright angry at you.

I’m not going to get into the nitty, gritty details of what went on, but I will tell you that it had to do with drinking. If you remember correctly, a couple weeks back I wrote a blog entitled Drunkenness No More, in which I talked about how I had made a decision to stop drinking excessively. This past week, on multiple occasions, I slipped up and it affected two people very dear to my heart.

I’m not a good drinker. I’m “good” in the sense that I can drink a lot, I have a pretty high tolerance, but that’s where the “goodness” ends. Most people have this internal mechanism, and when they’ve reached a certain point of drunkenness, that mechanism triggers something that makes them think, “Hey, I should stop now.” My mechanism goes off, but it sends me a different message. It tells me, “Hey, you should drink more.” And when I was in high school and college, it seemed like maybe that was okay–at the age of 29 doing it and having it result in people being disappointed in me? Not okay.

I’m beside myself today. I preached about this to others and now I have turned around and done the exact thing I preached about, which makes me feel like this unbelievable hypocrite. And because of that, and the way I made others feel, I’m having a really hard time letting myself off the hook on this one. My mom said that when we mess up, there’s no sense in dwelling on what went wrong–instead you focus your energy on figuring out how to not let it happen again. And she’s right, she’s absolutely right–but that doesn’t make it any easier to stop feeling awful.

I’ve realized that when I’m involved in the church, and actively praying and reading, I do better–which I don’t think is a coincidence. Lately, I haven’t done that. I haven’t felt overly close to God, and that’s been my own fault. I haven’t made much of an effort to put him first lately, and because of that I’ve lost sight of things that are important to me. Some of you won’t see that connection, and that’s okay–but I know that’s what’s going on with me. Phillipians 4:13 says that, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” and I believe that. What that verse doesn’t say though is that we have to allow him to strengthen us, and with the slip ups I’ve committed lately–it’s fairly obvious, at least to me, that I haven’t been allowing that to happen.

So I do better. The people I’ve hurt have been apologized to and unfortunately, at this time, that’s all they have to go on. It’s up to me to prove to them that I will never again put them in the positions that I did this past week and thankfully these people love me more than I love me right now and are willing to take me at my word. It’s up to me to ask for God’s help in doing better, and that’s exactly what I plan on doing, because what’s been going on just isn’t cutting it.

  1. Thank you for this delightfully honest post. I am a counselor in training, and have heard a lot of people struggle similarly–wanting to stop a behavior, and feeling awful when they don’t. You’re not alone. I’m inspired by your candor, and will keep reading because I can’t wait to see how your story turns out! I like how you incorporated closeness to God in the story as well. Great post!

  2. Candy S says:

    Your last sentence is the most critical. You can not do this by yourself….. But I am confident that you will be victorious!! With God, you are more than a conqueror….

  3. diaryofasagittarius says:

    I applaud you on your accountability and being transparent with this issue. I lost my mom 2years ago from throat cancer (she was an alcoholic) and you definitely do not want to see the effects that alcohol can have on your body. Forgiveness is the greatest form of love we can give to another and the people in your life must love you very much. Don’t take them for granted. BLESS

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