Funkytown

Posted: January 10, 2012 in Life, Relationships, Religion, Work
Tags: , , , , ,

There’s no two ways about it. I’m in a funk. And I HATE being in funks. Funks are conducive to absolutely nothing—at least nothing positive. And this funk started because I was actually trying to do something good. I’d made my triumphant return to the gym last night and instead of being elated that I was getting back on the horse that I jumped off of a year ago, I got angry.

First off, it was super busy—so busy I couldn’t use the machine I wanted. Second, I’m surrounded by female college students who are only on the elliptical machines because they want the guys lifting weights to check them out. Third, and probably the biggest factor, I was mad I had to be there. Mad that for basically the past year I stopped caring about my weight. Mad that I’m having to do all of this ALL over again. Did I not think it would happen to me? Did I think I could lose 70 pounds and then just eat whatever I wanted and not gain some of it back? Duh.

So then I get home from the gym. And you know how sometimes when you’re in a funk, NOTHING makes you happy? In fact, it seems like EVERYTHING just makes you mad? I got home and my boyfriend was reading, I had to take a shower, I needed to find something to eat, there were cookbooks on the coffee table—none of which are a big deal. Until you’re in a funk. Then it’s just one more thing that the universe is stacking up against you.

So now, today, I’m better—but this whole thing has me thinking about my job. And yes, I know I’ve only been here for 5 months, but hang on. I’m not unhappy here—I just feel like I want to do something where I actually help people and by that I mean people who actually NEED help. I emailed my old college advisor to see what it takes to become a guidance counselor in the state of Iowa and apparently I need a teaching certificate AND a Master’s. All of that means going back to school, which means spending money, and that’s something I don’t have—so THAT’S not helping the whole funk situation.

So then my boyfriend says to me, “God has you exactly where he wants you to be.” So then I just explode…right? Wrong actually. A year ago I would’ve cursed up a storm and told whoever had told me that what crap it was (except I would’ve used a different word for crap). Somehow when he said that today though, I knew he was right. Sure, I still asked questions—like do I leave it ALL to God and not do ANYTHING to try and change my situation? I know that through him all things are possible, Philippians 4:13 tells me so, but don’t we have to hold up our end of the bargain and show a little bit of drive to get out of whatever spot we’re in? Or does it not really matter since He has it all figured out anyway?

I think it absolutely matters—because I think if I have the ambition to change my situation, then I’m SUPPOSED to have that ambition. Me having that ambition is God’s way of lighting a fire under me and saying, “Do something with this.” It’s going to happen on His time and not mine—but if He doesn’t light that fire I sit here and twiddle my thumbs.

Here’s the thing. God doesn’t want us to be unhappy—at least not in my opinion. He gives us chances and opportunities all the time to choose the right path. The beauty of it is this. If I choose to zig where I should have zagged, God brings me back around at some point so that I can have a do-over. We’re all exactly where we’re supposed to be—but if you feel a pull to change something, change it. You know that thing some of us call a “gut feeling?” That’s God trying to work in you—so my advice to you? Don’t ignore your “gut.”

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