It’s no secret that Christmas preparations seem to start earlier and earlier every year. And I will admit that I’ve gotten a little caught up in it this year. Nothing major—I’ve bought a couple presents, and a few Christmas bags—but all in all, I’ve kept it under control.

We’ve drawn names for two of our Christmases, and that’s where this blog picks up. I feel like I’m scrambling for Christmas ideas—and I do this every year. So the other day, for old time’s sake, I picked up Target’s toys only ad and flipped through it. Two things immediately crossed my mind.

1. It was a whole lot easier to make a Christmas list when you were 6.
2. What the hell happened to the stuff I used to play with?

I remember being little, flipping through the Toys ‘R Us catalog and calling it good. Those were the days when Barbies looked like Barbies and you could actually get them out of the box without injuring yourself (have you tried to detach a Barbie from the cardboard thing lately)?!?! Those were also the days when baby dolls didn’t talk, or eat, or piss themselves. Those days were ruled by some of the COOLEST toys ever, which is what made making your Christmas list so easy—not to mention a whole lot cheaper than the ones kids make now.

So go put on your Fraggle Rock t-shirt, your jellies, and cuddle up with your Pound Puppy. It’s time to talk about the days where…

Teddy Ruxpin was the best storyteller ever. Seriously. I could listen to him for hours. Now in my late twenties he kind of creeps me out—but man did we have some good times together.

…we slept with Popples. Is it an egg? A ball? An animal? No silly. It’s a Popple. And it was cuddly and cute and if you didn’t have one I feel sorry for you.

…kids new what ‘Care Bear Stare’ meant. I had Lucky Bear, which is maybe why my favorite color is green? Him and my Popple often fought over who got to sleep with me.

My Little Ponies ruled. My favorite one was the white one with strawberries. She also had red hair. Ends up I liked gingers back then apparently.

…everyone had a Cabbage Patch Kid. Even boys I knew. They smelled like baby powder and had cute, chubby, little cheeks. Do you suppose though that’s why so many of those little kids ended up pregnant at an early age?

Strawberry Shortcake wasn’t just a dessert. Oddly enough playing with Strawberry Shortcake never made me hungry for the dessert. That would’ve seemed slightly cannibalistic. Or something.

Transformers were cool just because. The first time around Megan Fox and Shia LeBeouf didn’t have anything to do with them. And in my mind that makes them WAY cooler than the Transformers now.

Simon wasn’t a judge on American Idol. That game was addicting, and frustrating at the same time. I’d like to know how many Simons were thrown against walls.

…you could make your own nightlight with your Lite Brite. The pegs never seemed quite sharp enough to punch through the foam—but the first time I made a flower on my Lite Brite, I knew I’d made it as a person.

Operation scared the crap out of you. You knew it was inevitable that you’d let the tweezers touch the side when trying to take out the spare ribs—but you were never ready for the awful buzzing noise.

I’m sure I left out plenty of things I used to play with as a child—but those are the ones I remember most. I don’t get toys now—the ones that have all the bells and whistles—and I think I mean that both literally and figuratively. My old toys seemed a whole lot simpler—but I suspect kids today would look at my toy collection, laugh, and then go grab their LaLaLoopsy Silly Hair Dolls, or their Moshi Monsters Moshlings. What those are—I have no idea, but they’re on Toys ‘R Us’ website under the best toys of the season.

So I’ll keep my Care Bears and my Popples and my Cabbage Patch Kids—and they can have their LeapPads and their Fijit Friends (again, no idea). They can take Teddy Ruxpin too—he’s just too creepy for me now.

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Comments
  1. Jean Amosson says:

    You crack me up Girl!!!

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