Times They Are A-Changin’

Posted: November 4, 2011 in Life, Religion
Tags: , , ,

Some of you are going to shy away from this because it contains a few doses of religion, and if you want to stop reading right now because of that–feel free. You already clicked on the blog so it registers as a page view–I got what I want. 🙂

The past 9 months have been a whirlwind in virtually every aspect of my life. I fell in love, I moved in with a boy, I got a new job, I moved to a new town, and I started going back to church. 2011 was a big one ladies and gentlemen, and all of those things I just listed have made an impact on me for the better. Every single one of those changes has been scary and exciting at the same time–but out of all of them, it’s been the return to church that’s been among the hardest.

I’m good at relationships–not so much the romantic ones…my track record there kind of sucks, although that looks to have changed. I’m good at forming relationships with people–I’m a good friend, a great daughter, and a pretty awesome sister. So throughout the past 9 months, I’ve been unbelievably frustrated, because God seemed to be the one person I couldn’t form a relationship with. I mean sure, I talked to him, asked him for help, thanked him for things–but there was just something that was slightly off.

I wanted to get more involved in the church, be in small groups, do bible studies–but when it came time to look into them, or be proactive in finding out when they met–I just plain didn’t do it. Well…I’m proud to announce that something has changed. I don’t know when, or why, but something has clicked–or at least semi-clicked.

For the first time in my life I’m going to church because I WANT to go–and now on top of it–I’m getting up at 6am ON PURPOSE, to go to bible studies BEFORE I go to work. Last weekend was my birthday and I drank entirely too much on Saturday–no big deal, right? Wrong. I couldn’t go to church on Sunday and I beat myself up about it all day long. Maybe that sounds silly to some of you, but for the first time in a long time, church has become one of my identifiers. I’m the girl who used to drink during school, the girl who never showed remorse after a night of drinking (unless property damage was involved…and sometimes not even then)–and I was SO angry at myself on Sunday. If that doesn’t lead one to believe that something inside me has clicked, I don’t know what will.

I’m not saying that drinking is bad. I’m not saying I’m done drinking, and this isn’t where I talk about the evils of drinking. This is the part where I tell you something inside me has changed. There’s something inside me now that wants to be better, that wants to do better–and I strongly believe it has everything to do with the fact that the relationship I couldn’t get to click–the one with God–is finally clicking.

Not all of you believe. Some of you don’t believe right now. Some of you may never believe. I’m not here to push an agenda. I haven’t become some religious zealot like the guy who told all of us we were going to hell outside of a Dane Cook show a couple years back. I’m not here to tell you to repent, or to hurry up and follow God before it’s too late. I’m simply here to tell you that for a long time I felt like something was missing. Part of it was that I wanted to be in love with someone–which I have covered now. I realize now the other part was God. He was always there, I just wasn’t always willing to acknowledge him. Now I do–and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that once I started doing that other pieces started falling into place.

I still have my issues–and I think part of it is that old Catholic guilt you always hear about. I feel like a hypocrite sometimes, and there are times where I feel like maybe I’m doing all I’m doing to compensate for something. Then I stop and think that if that were true, I wouldn’t be getting as much joy out of what I’m doing. I don’t have all the answers–I know someone who does though. And boy am I glad that guy’s on my side.

  1. Katie Walker says:

    6 days late reading this, but this is lovely, miss!! I’m glad I get to see you so frequently now and that we both meant while finding ourselves in God. Love ya!

  2. […] ones within my new church family. I’ve actually written several blogs about it, including this one—when things finally started to […]

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