Nice Guys Finish…Last?

Posted: August 2, 2011 in Relationships
Tags: , , , ,

So this past weekend I hung out with my 21 year old sister and one of her roommates. Her roommate started talking about this guy she’s been out with a couple times and how she’s just not sure what she wants to happen. As we kept talking we discovered that she does indeed like this guy, but she she’s scared. And why pray tell is she scared? You know why. Because he’s good. He’s a nice guy, with a nice place, a good job, and a promising future. He’s not a bad ass who parties all the time and keeps you constantly guessing as to when or IF he’s going to text back. And for some people, as silly as it may sound to others, that’s scary. I can say this because I used to be like that, and if we’re being honest, can occasionally still revert to the mindset.

This has become like a phenomenon among women. Granted, some women use the “he’s too nice” thing as a cop out, but other women legitimately think that about some guys and head for the hills when they come across someone who fits that bill. It can all be a bit confusing because it’s these same women who talk about how chivalry is dead, but then get all uncomfortable when a door gets opened for them, or they’re given a hand putting their coat on.

So what gives? Why do we sometimes act like this? Why do we jump at the chance to date the womanizing, tattoo covered, drug-dealing smooth talker, but shy away from the sharp-dressed, intelligent, funny guy who slides our chair out for us at a restaurant? I think there’s a few different reasons, none of which entails us being retarded–so stop thinking that. Here’s what I think.

  • We think we can be the one to change someone. If you truly think this, I’m afraid you are sorely mistaken. If you’re dating someone right now, or want to start dating someone in the hopes of being able to get them to change their ways…walk away. Trying to mold someone into the version of them YOU want them to be isn’t going to work. Sorry to burst your bubble.
  • We don’t think we deserve someone good. Before you disregard this one–know this. Some of the most confident people I know are confident in virtually every aspect of their life, except when it comes to the opposite sex. I actually happen to be one of them. Thing is, if you are an inherently good person and do right by others, you DO deserve someone good. Don’t forget it.
  • It’s easier to fall for the bad guy. No one in their right mind (notice I said right mind) honestly thinks they’re going to end up with the guy who did time and called their dad an asshole the first time they met. That’s why it’s easier–we know that relationship isn’t going to last, and when it ends we’re not really all that surprised or hurt. When you fall for a nice guy though, that can cause some damage if it ends.

EVERYONE has done the bad boy thing. I know I’ve made it sound kind of black and white just now–but there really is a lot of gray area. Sometimes the bad boys can be changed and those people live happily ever after–but it doesn’t mean the nice guys don’t still deserve a chance. How many romantic comedies have you seen where the male lead is a complete dick who does lines off a coffee table and still manages to get the girl? Not many.

I guess really what I’m trying to say is don’t settle because you’re scared. Just because it’s easier doesn’t make it right. The bad ones can end up being nice just as easily as the nice ones can end up being bad–so be careful, but not TOO careful. My sister’s roommate made the comment that “love blows” that night. And she’s right. It does blow. Sometimes. Where you’re so confused you don’t know what to do, or you’re so upset that you don’t know whether to laugh or cry. For every time it blows though, I think something happens to right it. Love IS jacked…but if we know that…then what are we so afraid of? I suspect deep down we’re all scared of being hurt–but if you opt not to try, you’ll never know what you’re missing out on. Ends up trying to avoid getting hurt is a really good way to make your life devoid of love. Don’t be that person. You look that Harley-riding, gun-toting bad boy or that polo-wearing investment banker square in the eye and jump in. If it works out, awesome. If not, you go find someone else and keep trying–because regardless of what you think…you DO deserve someone good.

  1. wmarsau says:

    Some guys start out as not so good guys and get their eyes opened alont the way and actually turn out to be pretty good guys in the end. The hardest part is that usually the person who will be the most secure and will make you happiest in the end, is the one who is not as noticable or flashy in the start. Just remember that the really expensive car eventually wears out and gets old too. lol

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