It’s My Party

Posted: June 17, 2011 in Life, Relationships
Tags: , , , ,

I’m one of the happiest people I know. Except today. I am just down in the dumps, which just seems silly considering it’s Friday and is unbelievably nice outside. Does that ever happen to you guys? Like you just have a day where nothing seems to be going right, and the smallest, most insignificant problem causes you to take stock of EVERYTHING that’s going on? Then by the time you’re done going through that you’re convinced that you’re headed absolutely nowhere and are basically just going through the motions? Sucks doesn’t it?

Rarely do I get like this. Like I said, I’m one of the happiest people I know. I’m always good for a laugh, have a pretty pleasant demeanor about me, and have the kind of laugh that makes other people laugh. Few and far between are the times where I throw myself a pity party. Which I should note I never invite people to–because while it’s apparently okay for ME to feel sorry for me, it’s not okay for others to.

98% of the time I’m able to seek solace in the fact that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing–and I really truly do believe that. That other 2% of the time though, instead of seeking solace in that, I get angry about it. Because if this is it–if I’m going to be engaged in a constant financial struggle, if I’m never going to end up with a career where I TRULY help people–I don’t know how I feel about that.

We’re supposed to be happy with the things that we have…right? And I am. I am SO fortunate to have what I do. The people in my life are some of the most remarkable people I’ve ever known. My family and friends are so unbelievable there aren’t adjectives to describe them. The fact that you and I have food, water, clothes, and a roof over our heads makes us more wealthy than millions of people…but yet we want more. And the question I struggle with is this. Is that okay?

Short answer? I think so. Long answer? It depends what you want. I don’t want crazy, fancy cars and huge houses on four different islands. I don’t want butlers and maids, or a nanny raising my kids. I don’t want a house that looks more like a museum than a house. What I do want is to work somewhere with people who really, truly need my help. I want to make a difference in someone’s life. I also want to not have to worry that if I pay a bill today, I won’t be able to buy something else tomorrow. Right now, it’s just me, and I get by okay–but when I get married and have kids, I want my kids to have the things they want. I don’t want to worry that if we pay the mortgage, that we won’t be able to get the little guy all the soccer equipment he’s supposed to have. Basically, in a nutshell, I don’t want to have to worry about money. I don’t want so much that I don’t know what to do with it–but I want enough that I don’t need to worry how we’re going to pay all our bills.

You know the part that sucks the most? That when it’s all said and done, none of what I’ve just talked about is going to matter. When your time comes, no one’s going to care how much money you had, or whether you paid your bills on time. They’re not going to care that you had the most well-manicured lawn in the neighborhood, or that your picket fence got a fresh coat of white paint every spring.

They’re going to care about YOU, and they’re going to remember the impact you had on their lives. They’re going to remember your laugh, the stories you used to tell, the way you were constantly putting them before yourself, and the way everyone in a room gravitated towards you. They don’t give a crap that your house could pass a white glove test, or that your kids were among the most well-behaved they’d ever seen. You’re their friend, daughter, wife, niece, granddaughter, mother, sister, and aunt. You and everything that makes you, you…is what they care about.

So my point you ask? We all have days where we feel hopeless. And I think that’s okay, so long as you remember that those things we worry about are SO trivial and insignificant when it comes right down to it. Money, cars, houses, vacations–none of it matters. What matters is that you have people in your life you can’t imagine living without. What matters is that you surround yourself with people who love you and will always be there for you. What matters is that you never take those people for granted, and never put anything that isn’t going to matter in the end, before them.

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Comments
  1. It sounds like you have a lot to be thankful for. You also have to give yourself permission to be sad/angry at times. I am glad that 98% of the time you find solace in thinking you are where you should be. If I may ask, what is the specific career you want to be in?

    • Stephanie says:

      Hi Finding Strength! Thanks for the comment. As far as career wise…I’d like to work in something where I help underprivileged children. I’m such a do-gooder, and I love kids…it kind of just seems like where I should be.

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