Break on Through

Posted: June 13, 2011 in Life
Tags: , , , ,

Sorry Doors fans. Not a Youtube video of the song, or the lyrics. Total play on words about me breaking through to the other side. From the side of me lacking the balls to follow through with anything to the side where I become the world’s best follow througher. Follower througher? I know neither are real phrases. Just keep reading.

So I’ve decided that I lack follow through when it comes to things I want to do for myself. If one of my best friends asks me to go out on a Friday night…I’m there. If someone from church asks me to bring a dessert to a potluck…done. But if I sit down and tell myself that I need to make dinner…I’ll justify not doing it. And I do that with SO many things that range from my dinner scenario, to not working out, to going to bed far later than I should. I am one of the world’s greatest justifiers, and I don’t really think that’s a good thing.

The whole reason this even came up was because one of the sermons I listened to yesterday morning kind of shook me up. Yes…I said ONE OF…I go to two different churches. Get over it. Anyhow, the pastor was talking about the end of times and that goofball Harold Camping who keeps trying to predict when it’s going to happen. That stuff kind of weirds me out, and then the rest of the sermon was basically about patience. It ended up being a great message, but on the way home I was very quiet and a little bit on edge. You see…for the past few weeks especially I’ve felt like I’m this good little churchgoer on Sunday. I feel like I get stuff out of the sermons, I’m writing things down, I’m actually understanding the Bible–but then once the week starts, not once do I crack my Bible again, or revisit anything from the previous Sunday. I keep telling myself I need to find some sort of a Bible study or something, but I don’t–and I’m not sure what the reason for that is.

This has applied other places in my life too. Two years ago I decided that I was going to get my coaching authorization so that I could be an assistant volleyball or softball coach at the high school level. It wasn’t a huge time commitment and I got through the first two classes with no issues whatsoever. When it came time to take the athletic training portion I had a time conflict, and still to this day I haven’t gone back to take the last two classes. I sit here and tell myself how much I would LOVE to be a coach, but I don’t do anything about it–and I’m not sure what the reason for that is.

Looking back on things, I don’t think that I’ve ever been a real great goal setter. I’ve just kind of flown by the seat of my pants and whatever I achieved was what I achieved. I played all sports in high school and was good at them, graduated with a 3.7 GPA, graduated from college, got a real job–by most people’s standards, that would make me pretty successful and I didn’t have to set any goals to get there. I mean sure, I’ve set goals in my life–like when I lost a bunch of weight, but to be honest–me setting a goal is a rarity–and I’m not sure what the reason for that is.

I’ve decided though that I’m going to be better about those things. I’ll follow through when it involves someone else’s happiness, or someone else’s needs–but when it’s MY happiness or needs that are on the line–I step back instead of charging full speed ahead. Maybe I’m afraid of failing? Maybe I’m afraid of succeeding? Maybe I’m afraid of getting involved in something where I don’t have all the answers…or at least not as many as I seem to think I have right now?

Whatever it is…it’s holding me back, and maybe you’re finding right about how that you’re in the same boat. I’m not going to become a world class goal setter overnight. And I’m not going to stop justifying things that quickly either. But I’ll do what I can to work on those things. In fact, tonight I’m going to a Christian bookstore to see what I can find as far as bible study materials and stuff goes. You see, if I get tired of hearing myself bitch about things I can change–then I know that other people get tired of hearing myself bitch about the things I can change. So I need to break the pattern of this lack of follow through thing I have going on–and today seems like just as good a day as any.



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