There is a Time for Everything…

Posted: May 23, 2011 in Friendship, Life, Religion
Tags: , , , , , ,

I had every intention of writing about something funny today. I was thinking about it on my way to work, and had even come up with an idea which I’m not going to tell you because it will still be used in the very near future. Here’s what happened though. I got to work, got on Facebook quick to come up with a witty status for the day, and then I saw it. Over on the right hand side, I saw that it was my friend Cris’ birthday. The issue there is that Cris has been dead for almost five years, and his Facebook account has never been deactivated–so to even SEE his name causes one to take pause.

I graduated from college with Cris. He was a football player, I worked in the athletic department, we were the same major, and both frequented the bars–needless to say, we saw a lot of each other. We were study buddies, drinking partners, and most importantly…friends. Cris was just a good ole boy from Texas and had a heart the size of the state he was from. He drove a big navy blue pickup, and you could pick out his laugh a mile away. He was one of those people that everyone liked, and thinking back on it now, I think he liked damn near everyone he met.

We graduated in May of 2005, and just over a year later Cris was gone. I don’t remember the exact timeline, but I know the cancer he had moved quick and there wasn’t a whole lot of hope by the time they found it. He’d gone to the doctor because his back had been hurting, and he found out that he had a cancer that affected the lining of his organs.

I’m almost ashamed to say that I didn’t talk to Cris through the whole ordeal. Cris had moved back to Texas the summer after we graduated, and I didn’t hear about any of this until it was too late. Would I have tried to get a hold of him if I had known? I think maybe I would have, but the part of me that wants NOTHING to do with death, would just as soon have left it alone, which is awful considering that Cris was a friend. You see…I am unbelievably scared of death. I fear it for my family, my friends, and most of all myself. I know that it’s a part of life, but I have no desire to lose people close to me, and I don’t want to leave them before I’m done.

I totally understand that God has a plan for all of us, but I would be lying if I said I understood why he’d take a 24 year old who meant so much to so many. I’m not angry like I used to be though, because I really am starting to realize that going to heaven is cause for rejoicing. I’m selfish enough though to want those who are near and dear to me to stay, and not to go. I’m absolutely working on this, but I’ve been that person who has stayed up sobbing at night because they’re afraid of death, so I’m not naive enough to think I’m going to wake up tomorrow and say, “Okay! I’m ready! Let’s do this!”

There is a time for everything,
and a time to every purpose under the Heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance.

Some of you may know that as a song, and you’d be right, but it’s a song based on a verse found in the Bible–the book of Ecclesiastes to be exact. And this bible verse is right. There is a time for everything. What it doesn’t tell you though is that it’s okay to miss people who have left us. It tells you that there’s a time to weep, but it doesn’t tell you that five years after someone has passed away the sight of their name may still bring a tear to your eyes–but that’s okay too.

I have no doubt in my mind that Cris is in a better place. That’s not the part I have trouble grasping. I think part of the issue is that Cris made MY world a better place, and now he’s not here. I can still hear his laugh in the back of my head, but he’s not physically here. I think the other part is that I’m not ready to leave anyone behind. The people in my life have made me who I am, and for me to not be with them, or for them to not be with me, is downright frightening.

I know that as time goes on, my fear will subside, because like the Bible tells us–there is a time for everything, and I believe that includes a time to not be scared anymore. I believe it includes a time where we realize that all is right with the world. And I believe there will be a time where I will be able to look up and say, “Okay! I’m ready! Let’s do this!” It’s not today, it probably won’t be tomorrow, or the next day…but there IS a time for it, and I’ll absolutely let you know when it happens.

  1. MaharaniDawn says:

    Hi, can relate to your fear. I too am afraid of death. I watched my aunt gasped for air and slowly die in the hospital. Felt so unreal as a few minutes later, she turned cold and was gone forever. Her death left a gap in my life.
    Yet also made me realize how precarious life is. It made me re-look at priorities in my life.
    Hopefully someday, I too will be ready when the time comes.

  2. wmarsau says:

    Outstanding post. Chris was a great person indeed. There is a time and a season for everything, so embrace the one you are in. When it is your time to fear death no longer, you won’t. You can’t will yourself not to fear something. Chris will live on in the hearts of you and I and Cyclone fans across the nation. I bet if we could ask him right now, he would say he got to live his life exactly how he wanted to. If we could all say that, then I would say it havs been a pretty darn good life.

  3. Amy says:

    Great post Steph! We all miss him 😦

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