Big Girls Don’t Overanalyze

Posted: May 9, 2011 in Dating, Life, Relationships
Tags: , ,

Raise your hand if you’ve ever overanalyzed something. Just a few of you? Liars! Let me give you the definition of overanalysis:  to analyze to an excessive degree. Now let’s try again. Raise your hand if you’ve ever overanalyzed something. That’s what I thought.

So it begs the question–why? Why in the WORLD do we spend so much time overthinking things that in the end we have no control over? And why do I know ZERO guys that do this, but approximately 239 girls that do? I’m not sure I have the answers, but what I’m going to do here is talk about general overanalyzings that occur in girls’ heads. Some pertain to me, some don’t–but if you’re a girl and reading this, I’d bet at least one of them pertains to you. Maybe if you’re a guy it pertains too, although I’d guess probably not, but at the very least a guy may be able to gain some insight based on the things below. I can sit here and tell you exactly what to do in certain situations, but I can’t take my own advice. Noooo…that’d be too easy. BUT…you guys can take my advice because it’s not your own–and then give it back to me. Then everyone wins!

Overanalysis #1: Boyfriend is going out with a female coworker.
Initial Reaction: They’re going to do it. She’s a girl, he’s a guy–it doesn’t matter that we’re together, they’re totally going to do it.
Information We’ve Probably Overlooked: There are definitely other coworkers going, your boyfriend has NO interest in this person, and is planning on being home by 10 so he can watch Sportscenter.
What Our Reaction Should Have Been: “Have a good time honey! Call me when you get home. After Sportscenter, of course.”

Overanalysis #2: Boyfriend is Facebook friends with an ex.
Initial Reaction: They’re going to do it. She’s a girl, he’s a guy–it doesn’t matter that we’re together, they’re totally going to do it.
Information We’ve Probably Overlooked: Said boyfriend dumped this particular ex, has NO interest in this person, and it’s FACEBOOK.
What Our Reaction Should Have Been: “Oh look! He still has more friends than me!”

Overanalysis #3: Boyfriend is having a guys weekend centered around a bachelor party.
Initial Reaction: Crap. Bachelor party=strippers=lap dances=sex. OR…Bachelor party=bars=drinking=sex/fighting/jail.
Information We’ve Probably Overlooked: The groom to be refuses to go to a strip club, isn’t a big drinker, and this “bachelor party” is actually going to consist of them playing poker at someone’s house.
What Our Reaction  Should Have Been: “Have a good time! Tell everyone hi, and take this huge pot of chili I made for you guys!”

Overanalysis #4: Boyfriend didn’t call when he said he was going to.
Initial Reaction: He’s probably got some girl over at his house and they’re knockin’ boots.
Information We’ve Probably Overlooked: Said boyfriend is the busiest person you know, and it’s 1pm on a Tuesday which means he’s smack dab in the middle of his work day.
What Our Reaction Should Have Been: “He’s busy. He’ll call when he gets a chance. I’m going to lunch.”

Overanalysis #5: Boyfriend, in an attempt to ease your conflicted mind, tells you that you should go to your parents for Easter and he’ll go to his.
Initial Reaction: “Do you not WANT me to go with you?”
Information We’ve Probably Overlooked: You’ve spent more time with your boyfriend’s family than with your own lately, and he’d love nothing more than to have you go with him, but he knows your family is important too.
What Our Reaction Should Have Been: “Thank you for trying to help me decide honey.”

So what gives? Why do girls do this? I don’t know. If I knew, I probably wouldn’t do it, would I smarty pants? In my opinion, you can take the most secure person in the world, plop them down in the middle of a real, adult relationship, and then watch the overanalyzing begin. I know that not EVERYONE is like this, but I’d be willing to bet that everyone has had at least just a fleeting thought similar to one up above. If not, good for you. Tell me how to do it.

Here’s what I think though. I think that we all want the fairy tale and we’ve seen enough broken ones to last us a lifetime. As a result we try to control our own fairy tales, in the hope that they won’t end up shattered. We don’t have control over what happens, and that in itself is scary. So then you enter another person into the equation, one who your hopes and dreams are wrapped up in, and it gets a WHOLE lot scarier. Take that equation and add in the fact that you’ve maybe been hurt before, and you’re shaking in your boots.

The fact of the matter is overanalyzing never got anyone anything except a whole lot of worry, and worrying about things you don’t need to worry about causes two things: 1) gray hair, and 2) shattered fairy tales. This overanalyzing thing I think often times comes across as not trusting the person you’re with, and it has absolutely nothing to do with that. It has to do with the fact that sometimes we get SO inside our heads, and get SO scared that history is going to repeat itself, that we come up with these utterly ridiculous ideas for no rhyme or reason. The bad news is that I don’t know how you make that go away. The good news is that if you find someone who’s willing to put up with it (and they are out there!) then you’ve found the person you’re supposed to be with.

Overanalyzing makes us victims of our imagination. The stories I can create in my head in 10 seconds would make Edgar Allan Poe look like Dr. Seuss (no disrespect to Dr. Seuss). Here’s the thing though. At the end of the day I have someone who loves me, someone who absolutely tells me when to stop overanalyzing, someone who gives me no reason to think that he’s got anything other than my absolute best interest at heart–and I’m unbelievably grateful for that. Will it stop me from overanalyzing? It hasn’t yet…BUT… I’m hopeful that it will and I know I’m not alone in that!

So go ahead. Keep overanalyzing. But to quote Baz Luhrmann, “Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.”

And yes. I do realize I need to take my own advice (and Baz Luhrmann’s). But we talked about that up above. People can’t usually take their own advice, and that’s one rule I am NOT an exception to. So when I come at you guys all jumbled up in my head, just start reading this to me. I may not know how to stop being an overanalyzer, but I can usually pick up on a hint.

  1. Jean Amosson says:

    Damn….You’re Funny!!!

  2. Connie G says:

    I have no idea what you’re talking about.

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